1.12.2007

a marital status rant

There are few things that drive me more crazy than married or otherwise attached people giving single people "marital status advice." Let "marital status advice" not be confused with "relationship advice." They are wholly different things.

Relationship advice deals with conflict resolution, communication, making the love of your life realize that you are standing right in front of him, blah blah blah. It is the sort of thing that we all benefit from because we are all in relationships with people.

Marital status advice is given to single people. It is given under the assumption that the single person wants nothing more out of life than to be married. It is usually vague and useless. My favorite marital status advice line is: "As soon as I let go of wanting to be married so badly and starting living my life for God, I found my soulmate standing right beside me."

Pardon me while my digestive system revolts against the intake of such ridiculous bollocks.

First of all, what does "living your life for God" even mean? I am not going to climb on my high horse and claim that I have it figured out (heaven knows I don't!), but I've been working on that in my life for quite a while now. I can't just start something up that I've already been trying to do. Should I stop trying to do so for a while so that I can restart again?

Furthermore, if I do "start living my life for God" then I will find great love? A simple causistic statement about complicated things like living life for God and finding marriage partners cannot be true. Such magic does not exist.

If someone has allowed their marital status to become a spiritual stumbling block, then call them out on it as a spiritual issue. Proposing that if they concoct the perfect God-following recipe, then they will encounter dream-mate only dodges the matter at hand.
If someone is just bumming because they'd like to get married someday, brainstorm ways to meet new acceptable and upstanding people. Veiling ridiculous advice with "God words" will not help them. It will only make them feel like a spiritual failure.

The moral of the story is that single people are great people and they don't need shallow advice. Just like married or otherwise attached people are great people and don't need shallow advice. Big surprise there.

2 comments:

Nate said...

you know i share your views regarding this issue. in fact, we had just talked about it prior to the post. in any case, here's my official "ditto and amen." thanks for putting these thoughts on paper for us all.

Nate said...

one more thought. you touch on this at the end in your reference to concocting "the perfect God-following recipe," but one of the big problems i have with the aforementioned advice is that it manipulates God. Rather than humbly receiving by faith all things that he does graciously give, it still seems to leave "my goals" on the throne/idol seat.