trying to breath deeply: heart on sleeve

Tomorrow, a group of people are gathering here in St. Louis to talk about the Church, our church, and our congregations. The unifying element for all of us is a deep concern about the mission of the church, or lack thereof.

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I'm reading The Forgotten Ways by Alan Hirsch (okay, I have been since sometime this summer, but it just got bumped to the priority list). He makes a compelling case against much of western Christianity's institutional practice. As I am reading, I am scared.

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I know something must change in the way we do "church." And though I've known this for some time, the intersection of this coming gathering, reading this book, and so many other things heighten the urgency I feel.

The fear I feel, I believe, is healthy. Much of my livelihood, education, training, is built around the institutional church. And it must change. For the kingdom. For others to know that I am not bullshitting this faith in Christ business. For others how have not yet been told that there is hope.

Change is scary, angering. I'm coming to terms with the reality that I am going to make someone angry. They are going to say hurtful things. And I will have to keep moving forward. Not out of my own righteousness, but in the conviction that when Christ told me (you, us) to go, he didn't mean write a check and say a silent prayer.

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I'm breathly deeply. Or trying.