3.06.2011

cleaning house

Sometimes, I get annoyed with other people when I am tired. More often than not, I get annoyed with myself.
Why can't I pick up after myself?
Why can't I just get my work done and stop procrastinating?
Why can't I stop eating chocolate?
Why can't I get out of bed?
Why can't I put together better sentences?
Why can't I just get it together?
Yes, I am hard on myself. My inner dialogue contains 900% more curse words than my verbal speech. Sometimes I forget that people can't hear all of my cursing and I'm convinced they all think I have a dirty mouth. Sometimes, I believe that other people are asking those questions about me to themselves and snicker at the inevitable conclusion: big, fat failure.

On my better days, I convince myself out of the negativity and go on about my cursing and working and get a few things done on my list. On my best days, I convince myself into actually addressing the real problem at hand: I am not perfect and despite all of my negative self-talk, I will not be perfect. There's no use trying to convince myself through negativity than perfection is possible.

I've been living in some of my less-than better days and need to clean house and mouth and mind. I want to spend more time breathing in the joy of the Lord and less time breathing in the muck of my own creation. I've got some ideas of Lenten purges in my future, but I am curious about your methods of cleaning house, heart, and mind.
What do you do to make space for joy? How have you de-cluttered your emotional and spiritual landscape?

2 comments:

Kristen said...

Oh, Alaina, I've been pondering your post for days now, trying to put into words all that is on my heart. Joy is so necessary - but the daily grind of life can be discouraging at times. When I pray at night, I try to think of five things for which to thank God. Counting blessings is my way of finding job! On a practical note, I have also discovered it is easier to be joyful when things are in order in my house. May we both find joy this Lent and always!

Joyce said...

When life gets me down, I tend to escape in book or the flickering light of the TV. But lately I have been changing my obsession to physical activity!! I think it best to be positive as possible and not negative! Enjoy where you are - it won't last forever!!Nothing fantastic happens with out some hard work-unless you're really lucky!!! love you Aunt Joyce